18 March 2018

My secret wish

Today is not my birthday. I don't have any candles to blow. I do have wishes. And who needs birthdays to make a wish?!

I remember one vacation at the seaside. We were at a kids party when the most interesting thing happened. The kids in the audience were taught how to make a wish. Unfortunately I can't remember the whole deal but it was such a nice ritual . One thing I do remember is they were told to close their eyes at some point.

I am closing my eyes now. I breath and wish:

I wish for a kiss that tastes like passion;
I wish for a hug that warms my heart;
I wish for fingers that run through my hair;
I wish for some skin on skin electric touch;
I wish for silence because there is no use for words.
I long for that special intimacy that I can't get on my own.

That special thing that grows when and only when it is shared. "Love is not a finite emotion. We don’t have only so much to share. Our hearts create love as we need it." Origin, Dan Brown. Same book, professor Langdon speaks to artificial intelligence named Winston and is curious to know: "But you, being so advanced … you don’t possess …hopes and dreams?". Of course Winston doesn't, but I do. I'm not so advanced, nor do I want to be.

I thrive to love myself because everybody tells me so. Since when does everybody else know what's right for me? How does the world know what is making me happy? Happy is longing and belonging. Nothing less. Nothing more. I want just that. For my birthday and every other day.

A wish a day keeps the doctor away!

P.S. about longing and belonging from Esther Perel

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