Part of Cristian's homework for Personal Development class was writing down what he would change about him. Not knowing how to answer, I confessed this is a tough question for grown-ups as well. 3 days later, listening to Human on repeat, with frustration of all sorts cornering me, I have been thinking hard about my defects. In no particular order:
- I yell at my kids when I can't control myself anymore;
- I overeat when feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, especially on Friday nights when the crazy paced work week is over;
- I have yet to learn how to love my husband freely, without asking anything in return;
- I have daddy issues which I project on my husband, expecting more from him than he can actually offer. He surely has issues of his own, don't we all?!
- I don't demand enough respect from the 3 men in my house. They feel that my time home is exclusively theirs;
- Weeks go by without any me time. And I do miss me, so much. I miss my thoughts and putting them in writing;
- I have very high standards for myself as opposed to the kindness I enjoy treating others with.
See, I am moderately screwed up. As if there is a middle ground when it comes to being deeply flawed. Moderately because I think there is still hope. And admitting all these may well be the beginning. I hope so.
Finding joy in ordinary is my coping mechanism. I am far for having a perfect life and far from figuring it all. As much as I would like to, I can't do it all. Can't have it all. And that's fine, some days.
"I'm only human, I do what I can. I'm just a woman, I do what I can." (Human)
May you be kind to yourself today!
Love & Kindness,