25 June 2016

A rainbow of feelings

Friday evening, I come home. Door is locked with keys in.
Who is it? asks Cristian. 
Mommy, I answer
Oh my God, it's mom! shouts Tudor from the other side of the door.
I never felt so welcome in my life.

To say I love Tudor is too simple of a way to express how I feel about him. I have a rainbow of feelings for him:
  • Delighted when he insisted to stay home alone, one day, while I went to pick Cristian from school. He comforted me when I came back saying he was very well and we should do this again;
  • Relieved because he no longer throws tantrums;
  • Amused when he says funny things. Like, one time, I was encouraging Cri to eat some cheese. Tudor continued: "You should really try it. It's not a carnivorous plant. It won't eat you! ". Or each time he takes off a shirt, when the shirt covers his eyes, he always says: "Hey, who turned off the lights?";
  • Proud he is not selfish. One night I was petting his hair and asked him "Who do I love most?" He answered " Cristian and I" . In rare occasions like this I feel I am doing a good job as a mom.
  • Thrilled he says "I love you, mom!" when I least expect it;
  • Sad as he no longer asks to sleep on me. Last time, this winter he was so considerate to ask me to sleep on my stomach saying he was too big to lay on it. He fell asleep on my back instead;
  • At peace when I see he loves Cri so much. One morning A. was telling me how he teased Cristian. Tudor thought it was more dramatic and that A. did something bad to Cristian. He started crying and it took me quite a while to figure out why.
  • Happy to see he still is extremely specific when asking for attention. Like, when he asks me to kiss his toes;
  • Hopeful he will keep his playfulness. He has a favorite little game, the friendly ghost. He covers himself in his beloved blanky, comes wherever I am and tells me: "We have a ghost in the house. But it is a loving ghost" Obviously I need to kiss the lovely ghost and the game goes on;

He is a sleepyhead in the morning. He likes tomato sauce a lot. His favorite song is Enter Sandman. He knows quite a few bad words from his brother.

He always looks at the sky. When we are outside he is the first one to spot airplanes flying above us. At night, he always looks at the moon before going to bed.

I look at him with gratitude for giving me the untainted joy of motherhood. Untainted by the worries and the unknown that come with a first born. Happy 5th Birthday, Tudorica!

P.S. birthday love letter at 4 and 3

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